Words

As you may know, I’m a huge fan of words. Actually, I’m more than just a fan; I’m an addict. I’m hopelessly, needlessly, obsessively addicted to words. I use them constantly…every day…without pause. Sometimes I think that there’s nothing else I can do but use words.

When I wake up in the morning, I use words.

Oh my god not another day of this.

Turn off the alarm!

Is it Friday yet? (I don’t say this one as often since I’ve retired.)

When I take a shower, I use words.

Did you use up ALL of the shampoo?

What happened to the hot water?

When I’m driving somewhere, anywhere really, I’m constantly using words.

GET OUT OF MY WAY!

GET OFF THE PHONE AND DRIVE!

@#&%(&@#%(*&@!!!!!)

And when I used to work in a corporate office, my gosh the words just wouldn’t stop!

Moving forward, we need to recognize that a paradigm shift is needed for the right engagement. In today’s world, we have a need for a robust escalation process that will provide accountability and ownership to the ratifying body, namely the MRC. The culture of tomorrow will have to migrate toward a sustainable corporate ecosystem, whereby the employee resources will be empowered to define, address, and solve problems as they arise, enabling a versatile risk valuing dynamic.

There are so many words I use at home too, even when I’m the only one in the house.

Why is there cat vomit all over my keyboard?

Hi sweetie are you hungry? Want something for lunch? Oh you’re such a good girl. (Doesn’t matter which cat I’m talking to, they both get the same questions.)

Good grief it’s cold / hot in here.

It’s like the words are sitting there on every shelf and every table just waiting for me to notice them and use them. And when I’ve been away from home, they are there as soon as I open the door. And it just doesn’t ever stop. You’d think that maybe while I’m eating dinner or trying to relax there would be some type of reprieve.

You’d be thinking wrong.

I thought I told you that I was trying to watch my carb intake…I can’t eat all this bread.

I don’t like feta in my Merlot.

What is this? Why are we watching this? Can you fast forward?

And so very tired of the words I go upstairs and crawl in bed, perhaps to read or have some quiet time before sleep. But they just don’t stop. Ever. There are more WORDS!

There are words in the book, there are words in the news feed, there are words on social media, there are words words words words everywhere. So I put away the books and I put away the technology thinking FINALLY I can get away from the words. But no. The words invade and get stuck inside my head and they Just. Won’t. Stop.

Sleep brings words that form strange sentences and paragraphs that no one understands, especially me.

Peas porridge hot. Cold pigs fly. Why oh why oh why oh why. The bell rang again today as I dreamed of Manderlay. Unfortunately, the can on the stove was boiling and I was unable to clean the litter box again. I cried for what seemed like napkins, and still I cried some more. Did I leave the gas on or was that the doorbell? Wait…wait…MELON LIQUOR!

The next day arrives, and the cycle begins anew. It’s a crisis.

I’ve been to the doctor numerous times about the problem, unfortunately, she seems to be afflicted as well, because she just can’t stop using words. Different words, yes, because she has to use all that doctor jargon like “delusional” and “mental instability” and “psychotic episode“. But who understands those doctor words anyway except doctors…so she couldn’t help me really, although she prescribed me some sort of pill that’s supposed to reduce the number of words I have…it’s called “valium” or “Demerol” or something like that, but again, doctor words, so I just ignore them.

I long for the day when the words take a break, even if just for a moment, so that I can have some peace and quiet and listen to the birds chirp, and the crickets crick, and the bees buzz, and the moths moth, and the fish gurgle, and the diet pepsi fizz, and the phone ring, and the cats meow, and the refrigerator hum, and the fan whirl, and the vacuum cleaner inhale, and the stairs creak, and the champagne cork pop, and the pill bottle whisper sweet nothings in my ear.

* Disclaimer: If you dislike what I write, there is a wonderful set of words I’d like to introduce you to. [censored]. You.

PS. There are 804 words in this post. Thought you’d want to know.